Apa Salahku, kak?

Apa salah aku , kakak?.....
Tadi petang Aishah dan Mamat bersama anaknya Ijam dan isteri , datang . Mereka bypass aku yang tinggal di hadapan terus ke rumah Shima di belakang. Aku memerhati dari tingkap bilik kerjaku kereta Proton Saga Aeroback parkir di hadapan rumah dia. Aku nampak seorang pemuda tinggi lampai tak berbaju , dengan sarung parang di pinggangnya, mengambil sesuatu keluar dari keretanya. Mula-mula ku sangka Nazri, tetapi rupanya Ijam. Barangkali mereka sekeluarga singgah dari atau dalam perjalanan ke Kuala Muda, rumah bisan/menantu mereka. Aku tak kesah sangat, kak sebab aku menjangka adikku dari Muar Johor dan suami serta anak menantu yang lama takku jumpa, aakan singgah juga menjengok aku.

Aku keluar sekejap menghantar Azizi mengaji di rumah taman di belakang kampong. Dalam berharap mereka akan singgah, hatiku terusik bila memikirkan kenapa mereka melangkau aku , walaupun masuk pintu pagar mesti melalui rumah bertuah ini. Bagaimana, kakak, kalau tunggu-tunggu mereka keluar begitu sahaja? Jadi ku lewatkan pulangku ke rumah dengan harapan , mereka tidak kelihatan lagi bila aku pulang.

Aku pergi makan mee goreng di kedai mamak berdekatan. Ku ambil masa merokok sebatang rokok sehingga habis. Masih awal untuk mengambil Azizi pulang, aku singgah mini-market berdekatan beli bulb lampu bilik air yang terbakar. Masih awal, ku pergi bercukur di kedai SHaktinathan.

Jam hampir 7.15 malam ketika aku menjemput Azizi dari tempat mengajian Al-Quran itu. Ketika memandu di hadapan kampung, aku nampak kereta mereka masih disitu dengan boot terbuka, seperti sudah pack-up nak beransur. Jika kereta mereka sudah berada di hadapan rumahku, hendak aku terus ke gerai beli apam balik atau kebab .

Apa yang ku jangkakan meleset . Mereka tidak singgah selepas habis di rumah Shimah.
Mereka pergi begitu sahaja kak. So near and yet so far, kak.

Apa salahku kak?

Salahkah aku menompang tinggal di rumah ayah yang dikosongkan selepas Shima diberi sebuah rumah PPRTnya sendiri? Tidakkah adanya aku menjaga rumah dan kampong halaman di sekelilingnya membawa apa-apa erti kepada kalian? Am I actually NOT WELCOMED to stay here all these years?

Aku duduk di rumah ini sudah enam tahun, kakak. Enam tahun aku mengurus dan menjaga kampong. Namun orang masih menghargai dan menyanjung Shimah. Sedarkah aku lebih lama tinggal disini bebanding lima tahun dia tinggal di rumah ini. Apakah selama ini aku masih dianggap PENDATANG TANPA IZIN kah , kakak?

TidaKkah apa-apa hak aku ke atas tanah dan rumah peninggalan ayah ini. Adakah kakak dan kalian sedang menanti anak ayah/emak yang ke empat mengambil alih. Kalian seolah2 memulaukan aku. Jangankan yang jauh tak singgah bertanya khabar, yang dekat-dekat juga tidak ambil peduli, kak.

Hatiku terguris dan sedih amat, kak. Kau sebagai anak yang sulung juga menunjukkan sikap yang sama. Kalau kau pulang ke kampong suamimu atas urusan keluarganya, kau akan singgah kerumah ini kerana terpaksa lalu di hadapannya bila menziarah kubur emak dan ayah . Kalau singgah, kak, belum panas buntut mu, kau sudah hendak balik ke Kuala Lumpur dengan alasan anak kemenakanmu tuisyen . 15 minit bersama kami di rumah ini sudah tersangat lama bagimu. Apa salah aku, kak?

Apakah aku PENDUDUK TANPA IZIN di rumah peninggalan ayah dan emak ini?
Salah besar sangatkah aku memilih tinggal di kampong selepas bersara. Tak cukupkah aku meninggalkan kampong ini selama 40 tahun aku di sebelah sana, kak?

Salahkah aku?

Malay, Chinese, Indians...should I care?

A few days before election. A few days before May 13. My office mate of several years, a Chinese and a Sikh started "pissing" on a Malay like me. I did not know why, but i can sense their indifference towards me. Prior to this, I had a good slap on my cheek from an Indian co-worker senior as a joke. I was too naive to react but laugh it off more so realise what was behind the slap on my cheek, and a good one too!

When things get too bad for my taste, then I sensed the enmity behind it all. So I told that Benggali Sikh no turban fella, " You are Benggali, you got no business here. This is between the Malays and the Chineseses! So get lost!" The word "Fuck" and "shit" or "Mother-fucker" were still alien to me. Back in the 60's. And I for one did not even know what "Pubic hair" meant when I sawa sketch of a naked female figure with an arrow showing towards that part of the hair! I corrected the spelling to "public hair". Hark! Hark! Hark! So innocent, ah?

I was even touched to see the no-race-barrier in my office when I saw some of my friends smoking the "rokok daun" . How simple and humble, though they can affort Dunhill or Benson. Alll the three racessharing the one batang rokok daun amongst themselves . Now I know that the daun rokok was meant to roll the ganja inside. Gosh!

Back to the confrontion . Our relationships turned sour as the days to the May 13 elections closed by.

oN EHT EVENING OF THE FAteful day, May 13, 1969, as if left the UMNO building in Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman ater rehearsing a stage play directed by the late Malina Manja...enroute to Police Depoh, Jalan Gurney where I lived with my police officer father, I passed the Jalan Raja Muda Musa or then better known as Princess Road. I say may people gathering on both sides of the road with flag posts and banners. They were shouting at passers-by for support. I parked my vespa and with a friend , stand on the curb watching. Then the shouting got louder and tense. I say in the front of the road people shouting and a TV van driven by a Chinese.
The driver drove slow as the mob started closing in towards the van from all sides. Then the ven stopped. Some of them mob pulled the driver out and started hacking him. They overturned the
van and started burning it. The poor Chinese was left to crawl alone to the pavement where I was. Instinct said I should help him. So I got close to help him but my friend pulled me back by the coller, telling me to leave that dying man alone or else I would be hacked too, because my face looked Chinese.

I acted fast. Started my vespa and sped home just in time before the curfew was announced on TV. My friend got caught and seek refuge for a week in just anybodys house in Kampong Bharu.

The restwas history.
And I hope things like this would not crop up again. No now, not ever! Makkal Sakti!

Kesian binik akuk! Tiap-tiap hari dia baca bukuk-bukuk yang diberi sekolah memandunya untuk mengambil ujian komputer JPJ untuk mendapatkan lesen L untuk membolehkan dia untuk mula belajar memanduk. Aku belik dia cd JPJTest itu untuk dia cuba mengujik dirinya di rumah dengan laptop akuk. Cuba punya cuba lebih gagal dari lulus. Mana ke tidak? Dalam bukuk depa ada lebih-kurang 400 set soalan. Semuanya nak dihafal. Sebab bila buka ujian, tak pernah yang sama set 50 soalannya. Bercampur-aduk dan berubah-ubah. Menyeksakan akuk tengokek!

Membuat aku terfikir kenapk JPJ bikin susah sama rakyat nak mendapat lesen L nak belajar memandu dan dapat lesen penuh? Sudahlah susah dan berputar-putar soalannya, baYARAN YANG DIKENAKKAN SEKOLAH MEMANDUPUN TINGGI HINGGA RATUSAN RINGGIT. bARU DAFTAR DAH BAYAR SERATUS RINGGIT. BILA NAK PERGI UJIAN KOMPUTER KENA LETAK TIGA RATUS LIME PULUH RINGGIT. bERBARIS PANJANG MENANTI GILIRAN. bILA BUAT UJIAN SEKEJAP SAHAJA DAPAT KEPUTUSAN gagal!

tOKEY SEKOLAH MEMANDU CADANG BAYAR DOUBLE KALAU INGIN SENANG LULUS UJIAN KOMPUTER AND UJIAN MEMANDU. bAYARAN SEBANYAK ITU ADALAH UNTUK MEMBUTAKAN MATA TESTER jpj APABILA UJIAN DIJALANKAN. sALAH UJIAN KOKMPUTER PUN BOLEH lulus. sILAP MEMANDU WAKTU DIUJIPUN tidak APA. Bayangkan bayaran sebanyak satu ribu enam ratus ringgit untuk lulus ujian secara mudah. Makanya, JPJ lebih suka tengok rakyat memandu motor and kereta tanpa lesen daripada memberi sedikit kelonggaran serta memudahkan mereka dapat lesen memandu yang sah. Nampaknya JPJ lebih suka tengok orang-orangnya terima habuan lumayan dari beratus malah berjuta-juta rakyat negara ini daripada lulus secara HALAL. Pooiih!

Been going through Malaysia Today everytime i switched on the internet. MY! Everybody had something to say on current issues. And so many of everybody had some comments to post! Thats what I am doing now, commenting, hark! hark! Hark!. Foul languages were and are the points of the day. Words like "fuck" "balls", "cum" "shit" "dogs" were not as bad or vulgar as when the same were in bahasa, like "Kemut", "jalang" and many more ( I have to go through the postings and do my collections again). The first time I started reading the stuff there, I was full of spirit. Even copied and pasted some "good" ones in word pad. I even went though all the comments made on the write-ups till the very end. Fiery indeed, especially the short comments made, some just in one sentence. They must feel proud having their comments added into the main story. They must've felt that they belonged somewhere down under. They must've felt that they were making big contributions to the well-beings of the nation by their remarks. BUT I am still interested going through the postings , opening each and every one of them. Then ...I began to get sick in my stomach. Nothing seems rights just like what i used to be. And i am not happy about it. When you read too much of the stuff, you get sick inside. Maybe I am not so committed just yet in their world.